Letting Go...For Now...We Are Not Giving Up, Just Re-Grouping...

So, BIG DEEP BREATHE...I have had to do a lot of that lately. With frustration, pain, anxiety and much sadness...here goes...

First, a week ago our oldest son, Chris, came to church, which is not usual for him especially when he is working. He came to make sure he saw us because he needed to tell us that we are now grandparents of a 5 month old baby boy named Dillon. We don't know details and we are not even sure if we will ever be able to see him much less spend anytime with him. Yup, all of the above descriptive words, that is how I'm feeling. :( Letting Go...

Then, Austin, our middle son, told us on Monday night that he was moving out to live with friends across town. OMGosh...my one of my biggest fears became reality! This truly will be an empty nest as of Thursday night. Yup, all the above descriptive words again! :( More Letting Go...

Well, the biggest problem we are facing right now is our homestudy. We are facing a lot of pressure from the powers that be to finish the homestudy and get our USCIS approval. We are not concerned about passing our homestudy, and we never have been. our biggest challenge is the same now as when we first began, we need money to complete everything...and it's just not there. Tony's job really has messed him over big financially, so coming upon $2250.00 for a homestudy is no easy task. No one told him that if he became a manager he would take a cut in salary, and in this economy, there would be a small commission bonus, otherwise he wouldn't have accepted the offer. We have exhausted every avenue to secure that money but have been unsuccessful. Remember, we have always said, 'God's Will, God's Bill' and that if He wanted us to bring the beautiful princesses home He would make a way. Well, so far we have had nothing but trials. So...ALL OF THE ABOVE DESCRIPTIVE WORDS...AGAIN! And MORE Letting Go...

So, I am about to write a note to Andrea to release the twins to make them available for adoption. I am going to ask that she wait until Monday though. We are still going through with our yard sale and we are hoping to put up our FSP so people there will see that it's for real. The money made this weekend will be used toward our homestudy and if there is any extra, it will go to our USCIS application.

So with my broken heart in hand, I have been crying all week. Crying because I am a grandmother with no grandchild to show for it, and basically no hope to see him either.

I am also crying because I haven't been without children in my house in 28 years, and I am afraid of the quiet. I have always had a child's voice in the house with needs to be met, I was needed. Now what???

And crying because I have to, hopefully temporarily, let go of the dream of bringing home those beautiful twins that we have been posting all over our house and telling everyone about. Now what????

SO....here is the message...

I always thought that God was teaching me patience, and I think He still is, but He has added the part of 'Let Go and Let God'. I really have learned that God is in Control of ALL circumstances, but sometimes it's hard to move out of the way and let Him do what is necessary. I woke up thinking about this message this morning. God is in Control, including our grandson, our son wanting to grow up and do the natural thing, and to work through the details that will allow us to bring home the twins, or who ever God has deemed to be our newest child(ren). God is so Good, He really won't leave us on this walk...

So, here is the reality of our future.

At least we know about Dillon. All we can do is pray that his mother will allow his paternal grandparents visits now and then.

All of my children are gone from home, but they're not dead! I will have to be happy that we have a great relationship with them and they will be over once in a while.

While I am very sad about our 'empty nest', it will allow us to downsize to a 2 br apt or house to rent that costs less and WILL pass a homestudy inspection!

I was pretty amazed this morning when I woke up with all of this on my mind. God gave me those thoughts, I know, because I went to bed crying about all of the above and I actually woke with peace.

As far as letting Sandra and Slavka go, we aren't letting them go permanently, when the homestudy is complete we intend to commit to them again, if they are still available. We are certain we will complete our homestudy with flying colors, we just need to finance it. This is a temporary setback, we still love them and we are looking forward to the day we can bring them home.

So, please pray for us as we move forward, pray that the girls will still be available for us when we are finished, or that God protects our hearts if that is not to be so, and that He will show us who He has for us.

We are going to keep blogging, so please don't think this is the end. We still have fight left, and those girls are so worth it, as is any child that needs a home. Thanks for reading my blather, and please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers...Thank you! Have a blessed day!