Still Trying To Adjust To The Quiet Life...

Yesterday was a wonderful, and at the same time, lonely and quiet day. We went to the Northeastern State Fair called the Big E! It's short for Eastern States Exposition. Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island is represented there. It has animals, food, fun, competition. It was great to get back to New England to see this fair! We really did have a great time, but it sure was different without bringing children to see the animals and have them tug on our arms to go on rides and get fried dough, cotton candy and candy apples. It left me feeling empty and alone. I did try to see it as a date, and it was fun, but we spent quite a bit of time texting the boys while we were there. And we discussed how much fun we would have next year bringing our girls.

I met a woman who lives about 10 minutes away from me and she raises llama's. She sells 'lla-manure' at the local farmers market, sheers the llamas, washes their hair, spins it, and then she knits sweaters and makes $300.00 per sweater! I was amazed and I am going to go meet her llama's and watch her do all this. This woman is one of my hero's! I have a bunny and I have wanted to do that with my bunny fur for forever...maybe I'll try it. Another way to fill my time? We'll see about that.

So, trying to adjust to quiet, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm still looking for a job and having no luck, but others are still struggling with that too so I don't let it get me down.

We had some excitement last week when we heard that someone wanted to donate to the puzzle fundraiser, but that hasn't happened yet. We will probably announce that fundraiser sometime later this week. We are really hoping that things will ramp up soon and give us a shot of hope, but we'll see...

It's all in God's time, not ours. He will provide when He decides, I'm trying to hold on to that nugget. :)

I Guess I'm Not That Crazy After All!

There have been times lately where I actually have doubted my sanity. Really. That's what you get when you compare others to yourself!

For years I have been dreading the 'EMPTY NEST', I think I've even heard it referred to as a syndrome... but either way, I have it! Not because I'm afraid of what I'll find when I find myself, but rather what the heck do I do with what I am??

I have always loved my children, from the baby stage until the leave the nest stage, my favorite being the toddler-tween. I have taught Sunday School to 4-5 year olds and 9th-10th high school. And everytime I share that I love children and want more of them, people look at me as if I am totally insane! They wonder what is wrong with me to want to torture myself again. These are the people that have 2 children and were happy with that, me...I want more than 3! Are you crazy??

So, I doubted myself. Why do I think like this? Is there something wrong with me? Why do I need to have more children? Am I not happy with who I am? And there were more questions than that...

I have a couple of friend, in fact they posted words of encouragement to me on my blog, but they are in the minority. The majority of friends, family and acquaintances think I'm not quite right. So...I wrote and asked my new found friends at Reece's Rainbow. I could not believe what a response I received! There were about 20 responses from women who are 30+ years young and every one of them feel the same way! I couldn't believe my eyes. And it felt good to finally feel like I might be normal, or at least not the only insane person around. :) I think I am going to print each of those notes out and post them around my house in frames so everywhere I look I will be encouraged.

In the past couple of weeks, complete strangers that I happen to chat with about the future adoption plans have said they admire me. I don't feel like I should be admired, that is something that people do to really important people, I just want to be me and seen as a mom...even if I'm in my 40's. I really do love children and I really can't wait to go get my girls! :)

It Alway Amazes Me...

How He always brings things to mind to let us know we are on the right path. Or that my mind can see the connections...either way He never ceases to amaze me.

As I was sitting here tonight unable to sleep, I logged on to check my email and such and my home page opened up to Dr. Albert Mohlers page from Southern Seminary. I frequently read his blog and Fridays blog, yesterday, was titled "Will Babies with Down Syndrome Just Disappear?". It reminded me of my first encounter with the very new CVS test for DS back in the late 80's. They tried to get me tested and I flatly refused and I would only sign the waiver, which made the nurse angry with me. But my response to her was that this baby is a gift from God, and I will love this baby no matter what. Who am I to reject that gift even if it isn't perfect? I'm not perfect and He didn't reject me? She didn't like that nor did she like it when I told her that I was willing to deal with any problems no matter how big or small...that is what parenting is all about. Then I added that there wasn't anything that I couldn't deal with if I had God with me.

Sadly, these people have no idea what gift they are giving up when they snuff out that life. I've seen that gift in every face of every child that comes home to the families on Reece's Rainbow. I couldn't think of a better gift on earth! They are amazing gifts from a God who loves us!

I feel that Dr. Mohler's blog is right, these babies will just disappear, unless someone speaks out in their behalf and the medical community wakes up. There are advocates out there for them now, Reece's Rainbow is one. Please visit some of the blogs of the children's buttons that are posted on the right column of my blog. See what beautiful little ones they are. Visit http://www.reecesrainbow.org and see all the wonderful things that are going on with the children listed. Then maybe consider blessing someone with a donation so that they may bring one of these little ones here where they will be loved. They are already here on earth, rejected by their family and need a new family, and some of these families need little ones.

Reece's Rainbow has an Angel Tree each year. We have a Christmas Angel that Tony and I are praying for. Her name is Sophie and she is beautiful. I will post more about her in a couple of days. I love what Reece's Rainbow is doing for these little ones around the world and I hope more people will get involved and bring these special children, gifts from God, home to where they will be loved and cared for and receive the medical treatment that all children deserve.

Have a blessed day!

Believe

Well an entire week has gone by and we are still waiting. I'm still searching for a legitimate job posting, looking for ways to raise money and so on. This is truly the most frustrated I've been in a while. But once again, we won't let it go, I really believe with every fiber of my being that these girls are to be ours.

As I was wondering 'aimlessly' through a department store today, I happened to go by the jewelry counter. I stopped, as usual (there is just something about sparkly stuff and girls), and saw the sterling silver. I don't usually buy sterling, but the faith jewelry caught my eye. There was a necklace on a card that said;

'Believe'-keep moving forward as if you will not fail.

So, here we are, still doing the same thing, still believing in something others call a pipe dream. Still moving forward with purpose, to bring our princesses home...

My God Can Move Mountains, Part Two...

Picture removed...These beautiful girls are the twins I keep blogging about. We are seeking to raise money so we can promise their country that we will come and adopt them. Their names are Slavka and Sandra. They are from Eastern Europe and they both look like members of our family. Slavka easily looks like my Mother-in-law, and Sandra looks like my side of the family, which is totally amazing to me.

Just recently I was told that I can make anything slant the way I want, but in the future I will post pics of Micky Stancil and my cousin Julie and Aunt Nancy, and you can decide for yourself.

I thought I would make this event in our lives more real. I am willing to do just about anything to be sure they come home here to Connecticut, USA. Please pray with us :) my God truly can move mountains!

My God Can Move Mountains...

I haven't posted in almost a week because I'm a little pre-occupied with trying to get organized with my fund-raising ideas. I have five great ideas but I am 'Experience Challenged'.

The first one is my angel pins and I just need to set that up on an ebay or similar site for me to sell them. The second is a puzzle fundraiser. I have a 1000 piece puzzle and I'm charging $3.00 a piece and the person's name will be written on the back for the girls to see in the future. Once again I need to find the site to set that one up on so people can donate for the pieces. The third is a bottle and can collection, this one I think will work with just flyers and an email through our church family. The fourth is a dinner/or theater, Tony and several others in our church family have planned those. That one is much larger than the other three but the next one...

The fifth one is the biggest and concerns me the most. I am trying to plan a walk-a-thon for the twins and I have NO idea how to begin... In talking with Tony last night, my vision was way to big for what this should be, this time, and as long as it is successful, I am seeing the future complete with an annual walk for Reece's Rainbow. But one step at a time, I know.

So with all that being said...I really want to bring our girls home and my mind is usually working overtime, which is why I am up at 4 in the morning blogging instead of sleeping. My mind is constantly thinking of ways to make money and even when I think I'm not, it must be because I usually wake up thinking about it in the middle of the night! We need to raise $1000 for a promise fee and $1800 for a homestudy. That's alot of cash up front...but if it is meant to be, God can, and will, move that mountain! I have seen it done...

Anyway, I am still looking for employment, but, since I am not working at the moment, I am trying to think of ways to raise money on a large scale at least until I'm working and can earn the girls here. So these are my thoughts on this...

I was thinking that I needed to map out a 2 mile walk on the streets of our town, but that brought to mind the 'what if's'...what if someone is hit by a car, what if someone twisted their ankle, what if someone passes out, and the list went on...who is responsible? So then I thought our town has a great walking/biking path, we'll just use that. It isn't near the main road and cars are not allowed. But then, do I make it clear that we are not to be held responsible for any injuries. and how do I do that? Still some unanswered questions.

Then, what about stopping points along the way? You know, for refreshments, maybe at the halfway point? Maybe I can get a local grocery store to donate bags of hard candy for the walk, and I can get little pouches for the walkers to take the candy in and as a memoir. Again, more questions... but I'd better get a move on with these plans, since I am hoping to do this the second to the last weekend in October. So...

I can't remember a time when I have wanted something so much that it hurt and I would do just about anything for it. I prayed again today that if these girls are not meant to be ours, that someone would step up and adopt them and that He would take most of the pain away. That is a hard prayer for me as it could go either way and I had to give up control, but even more, because I already consider them to be our daughters, but I also know that God is going to do what is best. I do lean on Jeremiah 29:11, He does know the plans He has for us. My prayer is that I don't get in His way! :)

So...what do I do? Sit here and vex for another month? I think not! Please pray that the way is made crystal clear and that the right people are placed in my path. I have seen Him move mountains...I know He can move this one too!

A Funny Thing Happened on Our Adoption Journey

A couple of years ago, while in Louisville, my youngest son finally, at 16 years of age, asked for a dog, and because of our circumstances (our rental unit allowed dogs :) we finally gave in. There was one condition, it had to be a rescue and had to get along with our established family pet, a rescue bunny named Moose. Moose was a 17 pound Flemish Giant and was great member of the family.

Moose was the runt of his litter and already had his issues like genetic cataracts, and he suffered with gastro-intestinal stasis, he had trouble 'going' at least once a year during his molt. So, as long as Moose accepted the dog, we would have a dog. So the search began.

One day, on the freecycle Louisville list, someone posted a free 4 yo black lab mix (she is a pure bred with a white blaze-not show quality...big deal), so I inquired about her. We received pictures and Cale fell in love. Cale did do some waffling on the matter, you know 'am I ready for that type of responsibility...yada yada yada...but finally said yes. So we went and picked her up, with the intention of having her for the weekend, right? :)

She did fine all the way home even though she gets car sick and that was about a 30 minute ride from her home to ours...then she met Moose. She submitted to him and it was precious! Then he submitted to her and she licked him and he melted, which was amazing. We made sure to keep them separate just to be safe as dogs and buns, especially new, should never be left alone.

Maddie would go up to Moose and nudge his side with her nose and then he would stick his nose in the air and let her tail hit him in the face! They were so good together, and in no time Maddie became Mooses protector. Needless to say, we kept her!

Last year we had to put Moose down at 5 years old because of a lymphoma cancer, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Both Maddie and I went into a depression. Maddie moped so much, her best friend was gone. :( So we adopted a new bunny, Midnight, Middie for short and does she ever have an attitude! So now we have the Middie and Maddie show! Different relationship than the one with Moose, but just as funny.

So anyway, Monday was Tony's day off, the only one he gets a week. He went to take Maddie for a walk in the morning and ended up twisting his ankle and skinning his knee. I never appreciated a dog more! When Tony fell, she turned around and laid at his side until he could get up and walk again. Then she laid on the couch with him while he iced his ankle and just stayed with him all day. She totally loves Tony! When I have my migraines, she becomes my dog and lays in bed with me all day everyday until it's gone. What a great girl! And she LOVES kids, she will whine if she sees kids until they come and pet her :)

So Tuesday morning at about 2:30 am, Maddie started pacing and going from room to room, and it was about every 10 minutes. Suddenly I, who has dog ears to also, could hear 4 very distinct beeps about every 10 minutes and it dawned on me that they were the smoke detectors batteries dying. She did not sleep at all and neither did we. I gave her Dramamine to relax her about 10:30 am and she slept on the couch with the tv on all day til about 4:30. Unfortunately I didn't put my foot down, Tony changed the one battery outside our kitchen door, which didn't start beeping until late in that afternoon, and he said that should do the trick...yeah right! That's why I am awake and blogging at 2:30 this morning, 'cuz everything is done. :) Every battery in the basement is going to be changed before bed today! The foot IS down...

Anyway, this problem has caused some thinking for me. Maddie is a very high need dog. She came from an abusive situation. When her people moved, they left her tied up outside with no food or water. She has a bebe in her head, how did that get there? She hates rain, thunder and wind and shakes until it stops, and always seeks out her 'mama', me, for comfort. She has been seeking me out and I'm the only one she comes to when she is scared. Attachment parenting is something that we are beginning to explore. Our generation, and the one that advised us, insisted that a strict schedule and 'detached' parenting, ie. crying themselves to sleep, etc. (There were times that didn't work for me and I would pick them up and rock them to sleep...holding them will not spoil them!) Well what if that won't work for the little ones coming into our home? What if everything frightens them? Will we be patient enough to help them to understand that we will be there for them always, or is it too late for them. From what I've read, these children already know how to sooth themselves because no one comes when they cry. Will they learn that their mama will be there for them?

So, I guess I'm wondering if God gave us Maddie to prepare us for the 'high need' child(ren) that we are seeking. Personally I think He has, and I say BRING IT ON!!! I'm going to sleep on the couch with my Maddie now. And yes, I am prepared to sleep in the girls room until they are okay to be on their own...what a mom will do for her little ones.